I wake up with a jump, I’m a man of routine
Start my days the same way, a well-oiled machine
Hop to the coffee shop, to grab my beans
My order is the same, consistently
But what my barista said next, it made me crazy
It’s none of your business - I make choices safely
You think you’ve got me pegged, just an average joe
When you say “Hello again! the usual to-go?”

YOU DON’T KNOW ME
YOU DON’T KNOW ME
You’re my barista and not my friend, muchacho
YOU DON’T KNOW ME
YOU DON’T KNOW ME
Matter of fact- I’ll have a LARGE macchiato

Look in the mirror, see my hair is wilin’
It’s been almost 5 weeks, so I head to my stylist’
My work is cut out, decisions aren’t hard
Take my riches, snag my business with that loyalty card
Matter of fact so many stamps that my next cut is free
Decisions are quick when made predictably
But my barber made it harder, trying to KNOW MY LIFE
“Thin it out w/ a trim, #4 on the sides?”

YOU DON’T KNOW ME
YOU DON’T KNOW ME
I’m a wild an crazy guy
YOU DON’T KNOW ME
YOU DON’T KNOW ME
Gimme a #3 on the sides

I need something, to put my mind at ease/
Gnarly barley whiskey tipsy for that sweet release/
Go to the neighborhood pub, my regular haunt
Why these people all thinkin’ that they know what I want?
In the door, it’s quiet as I slide on the stool
Can’t take no more, I’ll riot, feel my rage start to cool
I’m about to say my order, when god is my witness
Bartender strolls up says “You’re the guy who likes Guinness!”

YOU DON’T KNOW ME
YOU DON’T KNOW ME
Uh- uh Not this shit again!
YOU DON’T KNOW ME
YOU DON’T KNOW ME
Give me a pitcher of cosmopolitan!

I’m 3 sheets to the wind, I’m totally smashed
I leave the pub and then I take the usual path
get home somehow, miraculously
And I see my dog judging, starin’ back at me (bark bark)

YOU DON’T KNOW ME
YOU DON’T KNOW ME
We’ve never even had a conversation
YOU DON’T KNOW ME
YOU DON’T KNOW ME
What would a dog know about my situation?

I know you much better than you realize
I can’t unview the views of you that I’ve seen with these eyes
Takin’ charge on walks in the park cause I know you’re a loner,
Barkin’ at the larger dogs so you can chat up their owners
When I open the door all crazy and squirrely
It’s cause I know you’re havin’ sex and you’re about to bust early
Drunk textin’ your ex, don’t you DARE press send
You think I don’t know you, (ruh) I’m your best friend

What!? Oh…. Oh my god. Teddy, I had no idea. You’re there for me. You DO know me.
You’re such a good boy.

YOU DON’T KNOW ME
YOU DON’T KNOW ME
I’m a bitch, Andrew, not your good boy
YOU Don’t KNOW ME